Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Another Baby Quilt
I am pretty sure everyone I know is pregnant. Okay well not everyone, but it seems like every day another friend or family member announces she is pregnant. Seriously. I think I know like 50 women who are pregnant. (About 30 of them live in my little neighborhood/ward.) And although I am genuinely happy for all of them sometimes it just makes my lack of baby hurt more or again, or something. (um, in case you have no idea what I am taking about I had a miscarriage about a month ago.)
About the time I found out I was pregnant, a very dear friend of mine (who happens to live about 3 house away) also found out she was pregnant. Our due dates where only a few weeks apart. She already has two cute little girls the same age as my little Logan and Bryce. So we had already joked that this time she would have a boy and I would have a girl so they could all marry each other.
About 3 weeks after I lost my baby, my friend across the street informs me that our friend (the one 3 houses away) who is pregnant is at the hospital losing her baby. I cannot express the heartbreak I felt for my dear friend when I heard the news. I was a total wreck that day while she was in the hospital. It just wasn't fair or right. She was like 20 weeks along.
My dear friend was not as "lucky" as I was. I was able to be knocked out and have a d&c, but she was too far along and had to deliver her little baby knowing he was already gone. I can't imagine her pain, and yet I know exactly her pain.
So that night while she was in the hospital I pulled out every scrap of boy fabric I had, picked out some I thought would work well together and I made a quilt for my friend and her little boy.
This quilt is very special to me. I made it to help her through her pain, but also to help me with my own. I think my own hurt was still too raw and having someone I love go through it just brought all my pain back to the surface.
pin wheel quilt I made for my little sister's baby like the green paisley with the baby bottles in it.
When I lost my baby many friends brought dinner, or treats, or flowers, but one wonderful friend of mine (who just happens to own a fabric store) let me come over and dig through her scrap bin while we talked and take home whatever I wanted. She knew the therapeutic qualities of pretty fabric and I felt like this was a very fitting use for those fabrics. That was where I got the wood print, green chevron, orange dot and many more. It was like I picked those fabrics to make this quilt. I just didn't know it at the time.
I am so heartbroken for both of our losses, but I am grateful that when she came home I was able to take this quilt to her, hold her close, and tell her I know, it sucks, and I'm sorry.
I think one thing my friend struggled with was that she didn't feel like she was special or deserved any special treatment. Women go through this all the time so why should she feel special. But people die everyday, children die everyday, women lose babies everyday, but every single person affected by those losses is special. Your pain, your loss is yours and it is special. It is uniquely yours and you have every right to feel it.
(deep cleansing breath) Man these posts are hard to write. It is kinda like when you get up in church to bare your testimony. You have so many feelings and thoughts and then you start talking and then you are done and you are not sure you said everything that is in your heart.
I really hope this is the last post of this kind I will ever post.
On a crafty note. I used the yellow brick road pattern as inspiration for this quilt. It is a really great pattern. It pieces together quickly and easily. Also you may notice that I just serged the edges rather than binding it. I made it really thin and I liked the look of the serged edge.